Words: Wash me away
Mired in mirrors
once more
Spiralling doubt
Aching
might-have-beens
millions strong
In lucid eyes
tears form
Choking threats
brimming
Wash-me-aways
grow large
Stuck in moments
Mired in
defeatist self
Engulfing
inertia-ridden-pauses
suck me down
Sucked into
the mire
Stuck
Stuck
Stuck
Come
wash me away
you tears
Please
come
wash me away
Swelling
Swallowing
Come to wash
me away
Wash me away
Wash me away
Come tears
Please
wash me away
[from HeĮp Cenƚer's prompt: A tear drop]
I’m sorry, I don’t work here any more
OK, first a warning: this will be something of a rant. I’m finally getting it all off my chest just so I don’t have to carry it any more.
And apologies to friends who aren’t in the US, because it’s most definitely an American thing
[though I do reserve the right to be informed it happens elsewhere]
OK. You’ve got fair warning.
Right now, in America:
- Barack Obama is President
- John Boehner is Speaker of the House
- Deval Patrick is Governor of Massachusetts
We know this, right? It’s fact.
So, if I see Bill Clinton getting introduced anywhere as President Bill Clinton
[or even Mr President]
or New Gingrich getting introduced anywhere as Speaker Gingrich, or Mitt Romney being addressed as Mr Governor, any longer I will quite literally go thermonuclear.
Bill Clinton is an ex-president.
Newt Gingrich is the former speaker of the house.
Mitt Romney has not been Governor of MA since January 4, 2007.
[about the same time that Rick Santorum left the US Senate]
Or, in other words…
THEY DO NOT WORK THERE ANY MORE!
None of them have/had lifetime appointments.
I don’t know what it is that the media have to cling to titles – it’s certainly an aspect of American society, where the first question asked of anyone is “Oh, hi <insert name here> and what do you do?”
But in professional politics
[and let's not pretend that anything in the state or national arena is anything other than professional politics, it definitely isn't service]
every day sees implicit encouragement of the use of the last most senior title for candidates who are no longer employed in that job.
It’s laughable.
As a former/ex-recruiter
[see what I did there?]
it’s as laughable as an unemployed candidate coming to interview and demanding to be called by their last job title.
THEY DO NOT WORK THERE ANY MORE!
So say it with me: “Hey! Anderson Cooper, Wolf Blitzer, Sean Hannity, Rachel Maddow, and every other talking head who has the temerity to suggest they have credibility to inform my political consideration – label these people for what they are: professional politicians.”
[or has-beens, or quitters, or shirkers, or usurpers, or interlopers… the list is endless]
End rant.
There, and I even kept my language clean.
Yours,
Former-paperboy Vince Tuckwood
A tree falls a lonely fall
I’m working on a new song at the moment, which I hope will be good enough to include on my full length release, Sparse, later this year. In keeping with the spirit of the work, the music is open, soft and inviting and the lyric plays with meditational questions:
If you could just stop talking
you might hear
one hand clapping
a tree
falls a lonely fall
with no audience
held in its thrall
[And no, I'm not sure about the last line either]
As ever, the songs we channel, that just seem to appear, are those from which we have most to learn. Whether it be our subconscious supercomputer spitting out its findings, an observation we’re making of the world without even realizing it, some psychic premonition of things to come, or even
[for those who ascribe to such things]
the voice of Yahweh, sometimes we just have to shut up and listen.
So, what have I been hearing as this song has sung in my ear?
Well, the question goes: “If a tree fell in the wood, and no-one was there to hear it, would it still make a sound?”
A theoretical view: when the tree falls, it displaces air, potentially collides with other objects creating frictional energy, all of which has the potential to generate noise.
Done.
A humanistic view: the tree falls, but as no-one is there to here, the noise that’s generated cannot be interpreted as a sound.
Done.
A whole-Earth view: the tree’s fall was heard by thousands of creatures, all of which were enjoying their environment without the intrusion of humans.
Done.
My view?
In summer, the forest was struck by lighting during a fierce storm. Though the tree wasn’t hit directly, it’s near neighbors were, and a small fire scorched the outer bark, wounding the tree; mortally, as it would turn out. As Winter moved through the deep woods, cycles of frost and thaw weakened the tree further until, with the coming of Spring and Summer, the vines came back with a vengeance, covering the tree, pulling it hard back down to gravity’s home. The tree succumbed and fell.
No-one was there to hear it.
A pair of beavers, working on their lodge nearby, heard a crash in the woods and headed over to check it out. To their delight, they found the fallen tree, it’s branches still stout. With a little gnawing, the branches came free and the beavers worked together to drag them back to the pond, where they proved excellent material for construction. The lodge grew a little stronger thanks to those branches.
The next Spring, the beavers welcomed a new litter, raised in the warmth and safety of the lodge.
A little way off in the forest, the tree continued to moulder away, home to bugs, snakes, wood-lice, ants. A family of birds nested in the remains of its canopy. One of the chicks would later be eaten by a wandering bobcat; the nest to low to offer protection.
The tree lays silent, life proliferating in and alongside; all because of a fall that no-one heard.
The tree cares not whether we witness its regeneration in the multitude of life.
The tree knows.
My place in the world is but small in the story; I am a part, the teller, not the centre.
My song has reminded me.
And I pause once again to consider my luck in being able to tell the stories over and again.
I’m sorry, I won’t be listening…
A friend of mine is raving at the moment – RAVING – about Jonah Tolchin – it seems like every conversation of the past few weeks has included some mention of Jonah.
And, rightfully so, he’s very talented.
But this post isn’t about him.
It’s about me. And my friend.
More to the point, it’s about you.
See, earlier this week, after weeks of her recommendations, my friend asked me “what do you think of Jonah Tolchin?”
And, in all honesty, I replied that I hadn’t got around to listening to him yet.
There was a moment. One of those moments. We looked at each other, her with some measure of shock and hurt in her eyes, and me feeling that prickle of discomfort that I’d somehow done something wrong. The moment held, and then we got back to doing what we do best, blending energies to make everything move forward for the better.
But, as ever, I’ve been mulling it over.
We live in a recommendation-saturated world.
To build your online profile, to become “known”, is to draw eyeballs to your website, or band page, or gigs, regardless of whether those people stick around, whether they listen, whether they read. We’re being inculcated to equate passing interest with abiding care.
[and, yes, I did just use the world inculcated]
They’re not the same thing.
Is it better to have 20 people at a gig who are giving their full attention, or 40 who are talking all the way through the songs?
After the gig, in the telling, it’s always the higher number that wins out – but in the moment, I’ll take the 20 who are listening than the fat geezer at the bar holding court with his band of wankers, lording it over everyone’s conversation…
But I digress…
Fact is, I hadn’t said I’d listen to Jonah, so hadn’t broken any commitment, nor do I ever commit to following a recommendation, unless I fully intend to follow through.
I wish people were that honest and clear-cut with me.
See, one of the hazards of the online world is that artists can get, if they’re that way inclined, near-immediate feedback on listens, sales, reads, eyeballs, visits and probably, with the right skills, the mental health of visitors.
Put it simply: I know how many people listen to my songs, how many people buy my books, how many people read this blog post. Immediately.
And I know that those numbers are FAR lower than the number of people who say they’ll listen to my songs, read my books or visit the blog.
I wrote about how that feels last summer, and I don’t intend to rehash that here.
But I will say that, I think people have a knee jerk when speaking with an artist, of expressing interest and excitement, some of which is driven by wanting to be “nice”
[and the very American leaning towards passive-aggressive superficiality]
but most of which, I truly believe, is in very, very good faith – i.e. people say “oh, I’d love to hear you” and they really mean it. But then something happens, life intrudes, whatever, and they never quite get around to it. No biggie, right?
But it is, because now, the artist can see that you haven’t followed through. And when that one becomes ten, becomes twenty, none of whom follow through – well, you can see how that begins to feel like an insult, right? It’s not just me. I know it’s not.
I’ve lived with this long enough now to have recognized the pattern. It goes like this:
Me: “Yes, that’s right… I have published a number of books.”
Them: “Really?! How exciting! What are they about?”
Me: “Contemporary fiction, stories….”
[for your sake, we're hitting fast forward on the description, but just know it's to the point and makes me feel awfully like I'm over-self-promoting]
Them: “I’ll definitely check them out!”
Me: “Cool, let me know what you think, OK?”
Them: “Definitely.”
[weeks pass - I know they didn't act - every day when I check the numbers - our paths cross]
Them: “Oh, I didn’t get around to it. I really do need to read your stuff!”
Me: “Great. Let me know what you think, OK?”
Them: “Definitely.”
[weeks pass - no, scrub that, rinse and repeat the above for several cycles]
Eventually, I don’t even mention it. The deflation is mine. Completely and utterly mine.
Though sometimes, they do follow through. And they let me know what they think, like I asked. And guess what? Words like excellent, a story that tells itself, couldn’t put it down, difficult to tell if it’s fiction or reality the characters are so real. I feel elated and, as ever, blissfully thankful that I have art in my life and that people have cared enough to have shared in the journey.
And for a little while, that elation erases the bitter taste of so many broken promises. For a little while.
I said earlier, this isn’t a whine, but can I ask a favor – if you’re not a reader, please don’t tell a writer that you’ll read his books; if you don’t listen to anything but top-40 radio, please don’t tell a musician that you’ll spend some time at her website. It hurts more when you do that than just saying, “best of luck, I’m sure your stuff is really good, but sorry I won’t get chance to check it out”. Honest, it really does.
If you tell me you sing, or you write, or you have a website and I meet the news with a poker face, please know that it’s nothing personal.
And, please, if you are madly in love with an artist’s work, and can’t hold back from recommending them, don’t expect anyone to follow up on your recommendation. Recommend by all means, but if someone is honest enough to say that won’t follow up, or that they haven’t followed up, know that they’ve been honest from the outset and unwilling to lie to your face while reverting to their truth behind your back.
Thank you for reading. As ever, you have my love.
Vince
PS: by the way, you really should check out Jonah Tolchin – he’s very, very good. After all… he comes with the highest recommendation
)
Sad songs say so much…
… Elton John said that. Or, more likely, Bernie Taupin did.
But I digress.
A good friend of mine was browsing my online profile t’other day
[thanks, Dianne!]
and dropped me a Facebook comment:
I like “You Say”, but Vince, why all of the darkness in your songs? Your life is extremely full, awesome and positive. MOST of your songs are dark. “You Say” has more of an upbeat melody, which I like, even though the words are still a little bit dark. Is it that sadness, in general, writes better music? Just wondering what drives your music.
It’s such a great question, and not the first time I’ve been asked – by others and, more importantly, by myself.
I’ve been writing songs for upwards of 30 years now and, while my capabilities have improved, my muse has proven pretty consistent. I didn’t always know how to say/sing what I wanted to, and when I listen back to earlier songs, they feel clumsy, indistinct, unrealized. But the core of them is true to what I wanted to share.
All of which is a way to say that I don’t know that I so much choose to write songs as much as these songs move through me and out into the world. Any musician, actually let’s expand that to artist, who has travelled into and through their muse, has given themselves up to it, will know what I mean here – the muse works through us.
As BB King said about Stevie Ray Vaughan – “Stevie doesn’t play the blues, the blues plays through Stevie.”
So, what do I know of my muse?
First of all, it reflects – I spend most of my time watching the world, watching people, sensing patterns within the chaos, gradually piecing together my ‘grand theory of everything’. It’s lonely over here – a thread about connection and belonging shows up all over the place in my songs.
All of that stuff, drops down into my subconscious which just chews over and over. Eventually something burps up to my front brain – I can usually sense it brewing; in dreams or idle moments. Sometimes it’ll be a song fragment, or a story idea, or a blog piece, or whatever form it takes.
Having done this for my whole life, I’ve got pretty good at letting my subconscious be, and trust it’ll tell me when it’s ready. I’ve also learned to give it a kick every now and then – my poetry prompts at Facebook, using Plinky, forcing myself to write on a given subject, all ways of keeping the wiring alive.
To Dianne’s question, though, why does my music tend toward the dark?
Well, firstly, I’ve come to believe that certain chords and progressions resonate with me – when I’ve spent time thinking on it, or discussing it, I wonder about physical resonance, the length of vocal chords, resonant cavities in the head
[you know, the ones that fill up with snot when you have a cold]
and know that certain tones just work for me – A minor, for example, shows up all over the place in my songs. Some of that, though, is the form-factor of the six-string guitar in standard tuning. A minor is part of a walking set of chords, C, F, Em, G, Dm that just work for most songs.
So, physically, I ‘get’ minor chords and they’re natural for me to play on the guitar. That leans my music towards the dark.
But it doesn’t cover lyrical content, does it?
Dianne is right, my life is full, awesome and positive – and has been for as long as I can remember – I am truly, truly lucky in life and love. But my muse knows that, even then, I experience doubt, sadness, and fear. And that dreadful loneliness. We all do. It is the human condition – all those survival instincts and neurons don’t disappear just because life is good. We’re wired to respond to threat.
We’re also painfully aware of our own mortality.
“Even if time is just a flicker of light, and we all have to die alone” (The Finn Brothers, “Won’t Give In”)
And I think, when it comes to my muse, that’s what shows up. Most of my art has a yearning for life – it’s touched by wonder of what is, and the crushing sadness that one day it won’t be there any more. Each moment looking in my kids eyes, knowing that moment can’t be lived again. There is so much life to be lived and so little life in which to live it. And, though I never want to lose a single moment, that next moment looks oh so enthralling.
So, Dianne, that’s the core of my muse, the yearning and melancholy of my own mortality. But I’ll throw the question back, maybe I’m lucky in this life because my muse let’s me discharge the things that could sabotage me? If I play out my neuroses, anxieties and stress in my songs and stories, aren’t I removing them from the enormous hopper that is my subconscious? If I connect with anyone who listens or reads, aren’t I looking that loneliness in the face.
But there’s more. When I say my muse reflects, I also mean that it means something to my audience. To take a personal experience, emotion, sensation and turn it to universal meaning is the ultimate artistic act. Think of U2, who took a personal reaction to intra-band tensions during the Achtung Baby sessions and turned it to the truly universal anthem, “One”.
For this reason, I don’t often describe what’s going on in songs, or more specifically the writing of them
[except For Granted, which is dedicated to Jo Short, a dear friend who we lost to cancer]
I’m always trying to expand my muse to encompass and engage others’ experience. I don’t always get it right, but when I do I know, because people tell me.
And so, we come to the final part of this extended answer. Why do I write these songs, with their melancholic dark edge?
Simply because, no matter how the surface may seem, how much people exist in their story, everybody experiences some of what I’ve been describing and if I can offer even a moment of understanding, solace, reflection, or sympathy – to let people know they’re not alone with it – I will. That’s my muse, that’s why I sing, that’s what I offer to the world.
There, D, now you see why I couldn’t fit it in a Facebook comment!
And, as ever, thanks for being here, you have my love.

