pg 192 Skull and Spine

Plinky.com asked me what's one body part I'd like to change.

Well, first of all, I'll make an assumption that it's a part of my body, OK?

Because, if it were somebody else's body then I wouldn't comment – the world is too consumed by the perfection myth and I don't have the right to have an opinion or exert control on anyone else's physical self.

If it were the more generic body – as in the human form – then the answer's easy: the appendix. It does nothing, except sometimes it swells and bursts and kills people. So we don't need it – and I'd change it.

If it's my body, though… It would be my back, and the shape it's adopted over years. My back has been shaped by working in an office, at a desk, at a computer – coupled to my physical acceptance of compromise and stress. As a result my shoulders bulk behind my neck, forcing my head forward and my lower back suffers from periodic bouts of pain which result in sciatica – at the moment, I'm suffering badly after a spasm yesterday – it hurts.

And here's the thing… I'm not suggesting I would swap my back out.

I am changing a body part. I'm changing it by changing myself.

Lengthening my neck, relaxing my jaw letting my aspiration carry my head skyward, letting my feet feel gravity and connect with the ground. Meditation, yoga and guided stretching

[listening to Mogwai, Sigur Ros, Godspeed You! Black Emperor – all highlyg, highly recommended]

and I and my back ARE CHANGING.

I am taller. I am softer. I am lengthening my view of myself and my experience of the world. It's strange seeing things from a couple of inches higher. It's a great feeling letting my head touch the clouds, while my feet grow gravitational roots.

In the change of my back, has come laughter and easy tears, release of control that I have exerted over myself for the last twenty years; in the release of my back, liberation.

I have found breath. I have found my voice; until now, locked in my spine.

This last bout of sciatica is my old back's last stand – it's last attempt to force me to conform – but my new back is calling me forward and I'm ready to step into the Vince who hangs himself on that frame.

I care not for beauty-myth aesthetics, I care for the beauty of the self fully realized, the connection and love that expression and acceptance can create in the world. I am changing my back, I am changing myself.

I emerge reborn to this self and this world.

Hello, where will we dance today?

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