Feel free to play this in the background as you read this post:
Because, while it may have nothing to do with what I’m about to write
[except for its title, of course]
it is a really nice take on the T-Bone Walker classic.
I wrote recently about One-way Reciprocity, so am not going to retread that ground, save to say that at the time of writing that post, I was half-way down a one-way street.
Today, I’m at it’s familiar dead-end.
I had some response to that post, several people taking me aside and sharing their
wisdom as to how I should feel, and what I should do.
But, as I wrote, there is a recurring pattern at work – here are its component parts:
- Make something happen.
- Offer it to the world in the hope that some may benefit or enjoy the something.
- Feel the joy of a small number of people ‘getting it’…
- Only to have it quickly drowned out by the apathy, or even null reaction of many others.
- Get disillusioned, disheartened, disappointed.
- Take it out on people I love and care for.
- Gather up energy from dwindling reserves.
- Go back to 1 and make something happen again.
I’ve lived in this cycle for all my life. And I do mean ALL my life.
[so, please do NOT presume to tell me how it should feel, what it should mean to me, or how I should be willing to persevere]
Essentially, I’ve been living the maxim
Insanity is doing the same thing over and again and expecting different results
I am breaking the pattern, so that I might better meet my needs and those of people who want to be along for the ride
[like the 20 people who did choose to back Asylum]
You see, I’ve realized that I can cut out steps 4-7 and still have the same net result for myself and the world – only now, the pattern produces an upward energy flow, rather than a negative downward spiral.
The first step is simple, it’s not to open myself to number 4.
I am no longer giving my energy to people who do not care for me. You can have your apathy and self-centered universe, I want no part of your world. I’m tired of trying to persuade you, cajole you, hold you, love you. I’m tired of trying to gain your attention and letting myself be disappointed when I fail to do so, or when you choose not to act upon my offer.
And, as I cannot change you, I can only change me.
I am taking the weight of my expectation off your shoulders.
I’m cutting myself some slack.
I am breaking the pattern.
It’s very possible that I may drop off your radar. If that’s a problem for you, let me know.
In the meantime, if you want me, I’ll be over here making something happen that you might just benefit from, or enjoy.
Thank you for reading, you have my love.