I had to take the car in for a regular service today, so was becalmed for a little while in the waiting room; just me, my phone and I.
Someone had posted on Facebook a couple of days ago about looking back at past decisions and what might have been. I commented at the time, but knew that I’ve done a lot of posts about similar subject matter over the years here at vincet.net
[search for the word ‘Regret’, you’ll find them]
As I was reviewing the posts to see whether I wanted to link one to the thread at Facebook
[I didn’t, they were all uniquely my own]
I got to one – Call it Stormy Monday – about letting go of expectations. It was interesting reading my voice from that time, remembering the emotions, feeling them a little again.
I am no longer giving my energy to people who do not care for me. You can have your apathy and self-centered universe, I want no part of your world. I’m tired of trying to persuade you, cajole you, hold you, love you. I’m tired of trying to gain your attention and letting myself be disappointed when I fail to do so, or when you choose not to act upon my offer.
And, as I cannot change you, I can only change me.
I am taking the weight of my expectation off your shoulders.
So, a commitment to shift my perspective; a self-protective move, for sure, and definitely coming from a raw place.
Fast forward to this morning, a year and a half later, and I’m sitting reading those words with a real sense that I have moved on , that I have let go of much of the expectation I was placing heavily on myself and my audience.
Most notably, I was very conscious that I’ve placed no expectations on Grope – which I started work on just a couple of months after that post. Grope is a record that I enjoyed making, a playground of sorts, just a fun thing to birth, and listen to now. And, while I’ve of course been publicizing the release, I’ve mostly been sharing anecdotes about songs and recording, encouraging people to stream songs; really not caring very much whether I sell any CDs or downloads
[a foolish, foolish expectation in these times]
What I do know is that I am not giving energy or attention to those who haven’t/won’t listen. Instead, I’m hearing the compliments I receive, often out of the blue, which tell me folk are listening and enjoying my little Britpop memory lane.
And, as I suspected and wrote in that post, the act of non-attachment, of letting expectation float away, has provided some release – I’m already 5 tracks into the next record, a mixture of older songs and brand new music
[too early to say too much, but I’m liking it 🙂 ]
Thanks for being here, if you listen to or read anything I’ve done, you have my love – for you I’ll sing and write all day long.